merlot is the devil.

Drinking merlot is like drinking liquid satan. It possesses your entire body, steals your motor control and memory, and commonly causes you to wake up stark naked in your bed at 3pm the following day, wondering what on earth happened to you.

It was a Saturday night, and I, with three lovely friends, were at Rocky Mountain Tavern in Seoul for a Christmas-themed ladies night. Each ticket for the ladies night came with wine, dinner, and entertainment. We were running late and missed dinner, so we decided to just drink wine.

The entertainment, to our delight, turned out to be male strippers dressed as santa. For modesty’s sake, the strippers only took the top half of their outfits off, gyrating wildly in enormous red pants with fur trim. While chugging our way through three bottles of merlot, we catcalled and cheered the men on, shamelessly ogling their bare chests. My feet became extra hot from all the stomping and clapping, so I removed my boots and made at least five trips to the bathroom in my bare feet – an incredibly skeezy bathroom filled with broken glass and at least two strains of herpes.

Merlot causes bad things. Two bottles in, you’ll be flailing wildly, thinking you’re dancing like Britney Spears or at the very least, Justin Beiber, and enormous chunks of your night are rapidly becoming shrouded with mist. You down another glass and the next thing you know, you’re being dropped on your head by a stripper wearing santa pants.

From what I’ve managed to patch together, after the men had stopped dancing, I had literally climbed one male stripper, monkey style, and he was hauling me around the bar like a sack of cement. In my inebriated state, I decided it’d be fun to play a game more suited for a toddler than a merlot-soaked english teacher. I wrapped my legs around his waist like I was in some bizarre porn Christmas special, and threw myself backwards, my hands brushing the floor. He dutifully pulled me back up, and I threw myself backwards again – only this time, he dropped me on my head.

No one knows what happened after that. The next – and last – thing I remember of the evening is carefully navigating my way down the steep steps and then emerging onto the streets of Seoul. It was snowing.

I woke up completely naked in my bed the next day, my clothes just inside my front door, and the bottoms of my feet completely filthy. I’d like to say this experience taught me a lesson about the dangers of overindulging, but that would be a lie. There have been many such nights since then – although there have been no more stripper incidents.


almond milk yogurt!

Yogurt + fresh, crunchy granola = deliciousness. It’s a perfect breakfast or, if you’re hobbits like us, second breakfast.

We recently discovered Michele’s handmade granola* at the awesome farmer’s market in Baltimore (the one located under 83, at Saratoga and Gay street), so we have the granola bit more than covered – but when you’re not eating dairy, what sort of yogurt can you have? Soy yogurt is one alternative, and there are several great brands out there. However, we were getting worried about eating too much soy, and so thought we might have to give up eating yogurt altogether.

Meet amande yogurt!

It’s cultured almond milk, which is exciting because 1) I didn’t know you could make almond milk into yogurt, and 2) Eating plain almonds is a bit like eating pieces of wood, so I’m always happy to find a new way to ingest them. On a recent trip to Whole Foods, we spotted amande on the shelf and gave it a shot. The texture is a bit surprising, and you need to mix it thoroughly, but it’s delicious! So far we’ve tried the strawberry, cherry, coconut, blueberry, and peach. It also comes in vanilla and plain, but our Whole Foods isn’t carrying those flavors yet. Amande is vegan, gluten, soy, and dairy free, and is flavored with natural fruit juice. It also has six active cultures, so if you’re eating yogurt for the culture benefits and probiotics, you’re covered.

Hooray for almonds and their multi-purposeness!

the senoritas

* Michele’s granola is fantastic. My personal favorite is the ‘ginger hemp’, but ‘pumpkin spice’ is also really delicious. We’ve been buying the granola from Michele herself, who is incredibly nice and friendly. If you can’t make it to the farmer’s market, the Whole Foods in Mt. Washington carries her granola, as well. Happy eating!

saturday swine.

Last week, a friend came over for happy hour. The weather was gorgeous and we wanted to sit outside, but we have no patio furniture and our patio is currently undergoing a renovation. To create a miniature garden party, Dani dragged our one piece of inside furniture (a little wicker sofa) outside. We had sangria and homemade guacamole, and it was lovely.

Unfortunately, the saturday swine fell in love with the miniature garden party setup, and has been camped out there since, squealing wildly whenever we approach to fend us off. He pops back indoors to find more snacks whenever our backs are turned, and shows no signs of ever giving up his little kingdom, where he lords over our miniature herb garden and the neighbor’s cat.

Enjoy your Saturday!

don’t be cheerful in the morning, or someone will eat your bird.

Dani and I are sisters, as most of you know. We get along really well, have quite a bit of fun together, and we’ve managed to co-exist in the loft-style upstairs floor of our row home since June. However, sharing a bedroom gets hectic at times – and no more so than in the morning when we’re getting up for work. Dani does not like optimism or cheerfulness in the morning. I do. This sometimes creates bad feelings and resentment.

And there you have it. Don’t be cheerful in the morning, or someone will eat your bird.

The end.

the senoritas!

pescatarian monday!

Pecan-crusted salmon on a bed of baby kale with spinach shallot sauce and roasted sweet potatoes.

Holy mackerel! That sounds amazing!
Ahem. Actually, it’s salmon.

Oh, yes. Feast your eyes, friends, on the deliciousness we made for dinner last night:

pecan crusted salmonRead on to learn how to make this scrumptious dish for yourself!

You will need:

  • 12 oz wild caught salmon (Washington state is good this time of year. Otherwise, a trip to your local Whole Foods will suffice)
  • 1 cup chopped pecans
  • 1/3 cup chopped fresh spinach
  • 2 tablespoons dry white wine
  • 1.5 teaspoons chopped shallots
  • 1 cup hemp milk (or regular milk. or whipping cream. or anything similar will work)
  • 1.5 teaspoons fresh lime juice
  • sea salt and pepper
  • 2 medium sized sweet potatoes, or one huge one
  • olive oil

To make the sauce:

  1. Combine the spinach, wine, and shallots together in a saucepan over medium heat. Cook until the spinach begins to wilt, about 3 minutes or so.
  2. Add the hemp milk and lime juice, then cook until it’s a saucy consistency. This will take 12 or so minutes.
  3. Toss the sauce into a blender, and puree. Transfer it back into the saucepan and add salt and pepper to taste. Keep warm on low heat.

While this sauce business is going on, cut your sweet potatoes into little chunks, sprinkle with olive oil, sea salt, and pepper, and bake for 25 minutes at 350 degrees (fahrenheit).

Next, dry off your salmon, drizzle with olive oil, then roll in chopped pecans. Put two tablespoons of olive oil into a frying pan, and heat. When the oil is hot, place the fish face-down into the oil. Cook until done, flipping occasionally.

While you’re simultaneously stirring the sauce, watching the potatoes, and flipping the fish, place baby kale leaves in the center of a plate. Once the potatoes are done, arrange them nicely around the edges of the plate. Place the salmon on the bed of kale and spoon sauce over the salmon. Enjoy!

the senoritas!

Angelo’s (mouth-watering and amazing) Pizza

There is an amazing pizza place in Hampden called Angelo’s. Sitting outside at one of their little deck tables during the summer with a glass of wine (or a cold beer) in one hand, a cheese-smothered slice of gorgeous pizza in the other, is a magical experience. It’s a little place, inexpensive, and you bring your own alcohol. The staff is feisty, the bathroom small and dungeon-like, tucked back into the basement, and you can always count on an assortment of Hampdenites and their dogs to strut past your table like a parade. GO.

Just in case you’re not convinced …

Mozzarella sticks. Yes.

Pepperoni and black olive pizza (Dani and I allow ourselves pepperoni on special occasions. Besides, pepperonis aren’t meat. They’re ground hooves, and everyone knows hooves are vegetarian).

In case that luscious pizza from heaven didn’t convince you, treat yourself to a close-up look:

That’s right. Take your Papa John’s and throw it in the garbage. Where it belongs.*

Happy pizza eating!

the senoritas

*But keep the garlic sauce (aka yellow garlic flavored oil). So delicious.

Angelo’s Pizza
3600 Keswick Avenue
Baltimore, MD 21211

beaver loves easter.


saturday swine meets wrath of the titans in 3D

We went to see Wrath of the Titans in 3D last night with the swine and homemade sangria. It was the swine’s first movie experience, and he enjoyed himself immensely, although we couldn’t convince him to put on his 3D glasses. The movie itself was dreadful, but we entertained ourselves by making alternately making fun of the characters (very quietly) and pretending to pluck images off the screen (the 3D was quite realistic).

Repeat the above sequence for an hour and a half, and you have our movie-going experience. The sangria didn’t last nearly long enough.

Happy Saturday!

the senoritas

power outage.

We had a power outage at the house this morning, at 6:30am while we were getting ready for work. Unfortunately, it is still dark at 6:30am.

Twenty minutes later, we emerged from the house, ready to drive to the train station.

We hope your Thursday morning is slightly less hectic and more color coordinated!

the senoritas

how much is that beaver in the window?

(the one with the fat little taaaaaaail)