I had the unfortunate experience of being verbally molested on the train last night, by a well meaning but slightly off her rocker older lady who insisted I take a seat (the train was crowded so I was standing), and yelled why didn’t my two gentleman friends bother to offer me theirs? Although this scene was uncomfortable and slightly embarrassing, it brings up some good questions about our society. I’ve heard lots of reasons why men don’t offer up a seat to a woman nowadays from, “on the radio, a man offered a woman his seat and she sued him for gender inequality!”, to “women don’t want a man to offer his seat”.
To all the gentlemen out there- a woman notices the man who offers her a seat. They also notice who opens the car door, who pulls their chair out at a restaurant, and holds open a door. They notice who offers to pay for the check (even though they will argue about it), and they notice who will offer their coat on a cold night. The point to get from all this? Women notice. Even an average guy becomes infinitely more appealing when he does something like this, because, let’s face it, most guys don’t.
It’s pretty obvious there’s a serious lack of dating advice out there for men when you Google ‘dating tips for men’ and the first 5 sites have links ‘how to pick up women’. Many of these site are written by men who are obviously just as clueless as the next guy. Yes, we understand men (and women) can be sex obsessed, and while it’s fun to find someone and have a one night stand, the bigger picture is generally respecting the people you are around. Not everyone is your bar buddy, your brother, or your best friend who likes to take his clothes off. Be considerate, and don’t talk about things you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying in front of your mother or grandmother (unless you’re some kind of pervert).
Katie and I have a dating list (possibly to be posted in the future), and number one on that list is, guess what? Good manners. And in our books, and to pretty much every other woman out there worth dating, that includes chivalry. It seems nowadays everyone wants to treat a girl as one of the guys- trying to impress her by telling sexual jokes they would tell their guy friends at the bar, or making body humor jokes (seriously!?). Sure, everyone has a different sense of humor, but on the whole, here are some guidelines:
How to Woo a Woman:
1. Good manners. Enough said. Open the door for her, pull out her chair, offer her your coat/shoulder to cry on, whatever. DO NOT excessively swear (or swear at all for that matter). DO NOT make sexual, racist, off color, sexist jokes, comments, implications, etc. DO NOT talk about the time you slept with 4 different girls, had a crush on Britney Spears, how you don’t like to read, or anything to do with BO, sweat, or body functions, period.
1a. Good table Manners.
Put your napkin on your lap. Hold your silverware correctly. Do not lick your fingers, chew with your mouth open, or pull an American where you talk with food in your mouth with a hand half covering it. Don’t pick your teeth. Yes, chicken can be a bitch, but carry one of these babies in your wallet and go to the bathroom like a gentleman.
2. Ask her about herself. It’s crazy how many guys (and ladies) will go on and on about themselves. Maybe to tell her about all their impressive accomplishments? Possibly. But in this day and age of short attention spans, no one wants to hear anyone prattle on about themselves.
3. Do not mention how much money you make, or comment/ask/imply what she makes. I read somewhere once that when a man mentions how much money he makes, he’s interested in you because he wants you to know he can provide for you. Bullshit. It’s rude to tell people what you make, period. Unless it’s a close friend or family member, it shouldn’t be brought up.
4. Don’t talk about another woman’s body in front of her. Seems fairly obvious, right? No! We live in a culture where we look at a woman and assess whether she’s attractive or not before we actually listen to what she has to say. (Hurley from LOST anyone? You seriously think an equally sized woman would have gotten as many laughs telling the same jokes?) But it is UNACCEPTABLE to talk to a women and comment about another woman’s body in front of her. Mainly because it’s just rude, but also because you need to take a romp in front of the mirror naked before you start projecting your own idea of perfection in other people. There’s nothing more ridiculous than an out of shape guy making a comment about a woman’s body. Or an in-shape guy for that matter. It’s just rude.
4a. Don’t talk about her family members being hot. I’m sure Katie can attest to this as well. The guy that says “your sister’s hot” is not getting in my pants. DONE.
5. Don’t eyeball other women in front of her. Enough said. Yes, we all like to chase the pretty shiny things with our eyes, but CONTROL YOURSELF.
6. Call/text/email/skype/chat when you say you’re going to. I like to think of things in business transaction form. If I set up a phone meeting with a client, then don’t call, I would lose a client. It would be inconsiderate, I would lose their trust, and in all likelihood their respect. All things you will lose when you tell a girl the same thing. If a guy says ‘I’ll talk to you tonight’ and then it doesn’t happen, it says to me you don’t respect my time enough to be considerate of it. You think your own agenda is more important. And I’m done. If you didn’t really intend to make the effort, stop peppering the conversation with your empty fluff.
Summary: What women are asking for is a basic level of courtesy that in reality, should be shown to every person you encounter. You should be considerate, whether that means calling someone when you say you’re going to, not saying the word ‘penis’ or ‘blowjob’ in front of anyone except super-close friends, or pretending to listen attentively to a story that really doesn’t interest you. Life isn’t about getting what you want, or saying whatever comes into your mind at any given point. Being respectful and kind to people you interact with should be more important.
Yes, this is a lot to remember. It will not only make you more desirable and women-friendly, it will make you a better person all ’round. So get out there, guys, and start impressing us.