the white weasel.

With breaking news, this is Dos Senoritas reporting live from Locust Point. This friendly Baltimore neighborhood has been under attack as of late – reports of a rogue white weasel have been pouring in, and the peaceful residents of this community are at their wits end.

According to one source, the white weasel is usually seen around 8:30pm, when the ice cream truck is making its rounds. The weasel has been known to attack children holding ice cream, upset garbage cans, tease dogs, and – most often – steal eggs.

“I have a chicken coop on my patio,” one neighbor told us, “and I came out one morning last week and every single egg was missing.”

The most curious thing about this particular weasel is how it always wears a bright red scarf. No one has been able to discover exactly why or how the weasel came by this item, but it is always tied neatly around the creature’s neck.

Another Locust Point resident saw the weasel just last night, when he heard rustling on his patio. Grabbing his camera, he ventured outside to find the weasel swinging from a hanging flower basket in an attempt to reach a bird feeder. Startled, the weasel dropped to the ground and ran off – but not before this brave man was able to snap a photo (below).

white weaselIf spotted, do not attempt to capture the white weasel on your own. While not seemingly dangerous, the weasel will attack when cornered. Lucy, a fat dachshund, still bears small gnaw marks on her front paw from when she got between the white weasel and an egg it had just pilfered from a neighbor’s yard.

The weasel is considered highly intelligent (due to its scarf-knotting abilities), and extremely wary. It has been evading police for weeks now, and there is every indication it will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. Take precautionary measures when exercising outdoors, and keep small children inside and away from pet doors.

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