health juice

today i went for lunch at a little cafe which shall remain nameless. all signs were promising: it was really cute, with an awesome juice bar and two lovely gentlemen working behind the counter. i ordered a tasty sounding wrap and, feeling festive (it being the first 80 degree+ day we’ve had this spring … and being away from work always makes me cheerful), i ordered a juice called ‘v10’.

the v10 (chock-full of goodness):

combine fresh cucumbers, beets, carrots, ginger, horseradish, tomato, celery, red cabbage, parsley, and lemon in a juicer. serve with a jaunty straw and a smile.

i foolishly believed this odd mix of veggies would taste like a bloody mary, sans vodka. plus, the attractive young man behind the counter recommended it, and that was good enough for me.

warning: attractive young men in juice bars cannot be trusted.
at least, not with juice recommendations.

i’m a fan of strange combinations, and normally even if i don’t like something, i can trick myself into thinking i do (at least until i’ve finished it). i forced myself to drink v8 every single day until i was (and am) convinced i absolutely love the flavor. but this … this multi-veggie treat thwarted me. it went something like this:

first sip: “oh my god, this tastes like dirt.”
second sip: “no, not dirt. it tastes like something else …”
third sip: “i can’t quite put my finger on it.”
fourth sip: “oh, i’ve got it … that’s right, it tastes like death. THAT’S RIGHT, DEATH.

luckily i’d also ordered a bottle of water, so i was able to eat my wrap without choking to death. i fake sipped my foul juice until i left, not wanting to hurt the juicer’s feelings. i walked around the corner to where jym, my faithful steed (ford focus) was waiting for me. by this point, the horseradish from the few sips i’d taken had already eaten through my stomach lining, and the fresh ginger was wrapping its tentacles around my heart.

i loathe the v10 for even existing.

the only redeeming quality this blood-red concoction had was that i hoped at least one person, upon spotting me walk down the street with it, thought i was a vampire.* oh, and i also enjoyed hurling it into a trashcan, where it exploded quite satisfyingly.

katie! (go drink some juice)

* we’ve all read twilight. we know vampires won’t explode if they go outside in the sunlight.

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